2011 began as a happy year with all the potential a new year has to offer. We had recently purchased a newer home and were settling in quite nicely, meeting our neighours and getting things organized. By mid January we were both sick, me with conditions I did not yet knew exist on a stretch of antibiotics for over 6 weeks for what was thought a sinus infection.
Several months later, I was diagnosed with FM and a few other conditions, this is where my life became somewhat confusing. I went through the stages of grief – anger was a big one to deal with. The questions, Why me God? Why now? My dream of starting a business was put on hold yet again. Feeling displaced in the world , wondering how I was going to continue – what would I do for work, for an income? A very trying time but through this period I emerged a stronger and more loving person. How you might ask? I had to let go of what and who I was. I had to define a new reality for me. What I was now capable of doing and what I had been doing? A life evaluation in many ways. I was burnt out I knew that and type A meets type B.
I was not a victim or cripple – I chose to move forward in light and with the purpose of healing myself. I became more spiritually focused in my life this past spring and I discovered a very calm and peaceful woman did exist within. To give up is to NEVER know what you might have accomplished. No this would not suffice. Not from the woman that moved up north for a job and left her family and husband behind to better her career or to live in Victoria alone.
We are ever evolving beings, we do not stay static for long. My time had arrived to look at what a passionate career might look like or what letting go of the idea of working full-time would mean? I began writing blogs for myself, ones I enjoyed writing not for anyone other than myself. It started with the lapdogdiaries and ended with littleburstsofinspiration which was intended to be used as a daily thought or quote from my company called Asgarda. Challenging myself to write something that may bring a smile to someone’s face and at the very least give people something positive to think about.
The summer came and I felt energized & exhilirated about the future. I planted flowers & herbs that survived, that in itself was a success. The process of planting those herbs and flowers and digging in the dirt proved to be an empowering experience as I was able to watch something living, blossom, and all the big things didn’t seem so important anymore. I saw myself in my later years living a much simper life tending to flowers and a garden, my long hair in a braid wearing a long cotton dress and smiling at how these things gave me great pleasure. I had found a part of myself I had long lost.
In the fall our vacation came and went faster than I would have liked so did the apple tree picking that proved to be a longer project than I had anticipated. The weather was incredible and I took full advantage of it, spending all the time I could spare enjoying the sunshine and time with our poodle Molly.
Winter arrived and the warm temperatures made for pleasant walks with Molly that turned into periods of reflection and relaxation. The holidays began to approach as with it the shopping for gifts, decorating the house and yard & donating to charities . Then came the x-mas parties that were memorable with people I admire, whom have lifted me higher than I could have ever imagined.
I have made a few goals for 2012 tonight and I know that the outcomes of these will be positive no matter where they lead because all things lead to the greater good. In more ways then one it was my year and 2012 will be an extention of that!