Help Others: Heal Yourself

Officially this week marked my first week of school in the Herbalist/Wholistic Therapy programs eventhough I was to start sooner, the late arrival of my textbooks did hinder my start date.  It has been a time filled with a variety of emotions: anxiety, joy and peace.  It seems that every ten years or so I am attending school, taking something.  I guess true to my sign in the horoscope, which is Pisces I tend to have a thirst for learning.  Now this may be true but some of those doubts start to rear their heads and test me with ” do you think you can remember all of this stuff?” or “hey remember me, exam anxiety!”  One thing I have learned is that if you are passionate about something you will succeed because the drive & the perseverance will carry you through any obstacle that could hold you back.  Once again I am pursuing a career that will allow me to be of service to others as well as myself and my loved ones.

The desire to help others began many years ago when my need to put the pieces together from my own childhood and my upbringing emerged.  I wanted to understand how people became this way? Why everything was a drama?  Like many of us I did not have a very functional upbringing and found myself stumbling through life in situations that were foreign to me.  Many of these things I choose to not mention as I wish to move forward in my life to greener pastures.  One of the things my childhood taught me was not to turn away from people that reach out to me.   This did not always meet with the most favourable results at times but then again people have to want to help themselves to some degree also.  I spent many years working with many challenging people with physical or/and learning disabilities. Now, some of them were more disabled than others and those were the ones that simply gave up on life, they were always looking at the worst situation.  A negative attitude is the worst disability a person can have, when hope is gone these people die inside a little more everyday and they also drive people away that truly want to help them.

Would I know what compassion is if I grew up another way?  Likely not.  Would I know how to help others if I had not suffered myself?  Again, I say likely not, because in order to help we need to understand.  As much as I do not want to deal with these conditions I feel very blessed to have them for they have taught me much about myself and completely changed the course of my life.  I am not merely satisfied with helping people when it is too late as I have done in the past, preferring to help them before things get worse and before things can develop into bigger problems.

The idea to become a herbalist/wholistic therapist came to me in a dream.  Some may say it was God or a Higher Power or simply a dream meant to provide me with some clarity.  The dream contained a large white rock that was emitting a strong, white light, much like a lighthouse.  The energy of this rock drew me to it.  I felt so peaceful and happy when I woke up the first few times I fell back asleep much preferring to stay in that warm and comfortable place opposed to the real world.  I returned three times to that same dream and when I finally awoke I wrote it down in my dream journal by my bed.  How did I get from there to the herbalist/wholistic therapy program?  This is is how it all came together:  I thought about this glowing, white rock for a few days and I thought this must be a healing energy of some sort.  I asked a few people what they thought of this dream and many agreed it was healing energy as well as strength within myself.  Up until this point my life had been a little unsettled ( work and health related) and I had been looking for a career that would be less labour intensive and with a more regular work schedule.  I had my psych degree and journalism degrees already and a business that was not really meeting my expectations so what was I going to do with these now?    The dream led me to look at other options that would allow me to utilize my education and life experience.  A firm believer in the mind body connection and health I wanted to do something that would incorporate these two into one.  The rock reminded me to be true to myself and never mind the money or the time to attend school, do what your intended to do.  This dream gave me the clarity I needed to find my true calling, it was my spiritual GPS in a way.  Go with the heart not necessarily what looks good on paper.  Every degree I had pursued before looked great on paper but in reality they were nowhere near what I thought when it came time to find a job.  In particular the last few positions, where the shifts varied from 7am -3pm to 3- 11 pm to ll pm to 7 and I was often on call after hours for no additional pay.  I had to admit to myself that I was burnt out from those demanding positions in which I was looking after others better then myself.  But again, the rock dream made me focus on myself – what I wanted to do.  ah yes, the healer of sorts!  This is not new for me but a new way of being a healer of  mind, body & spirit that meets my personal standard regarding morals and ethics.  I have to do something that does not abuse, manipulate or harm others, that is crucial to me.

So the journey begins…  this is real…  the vision is to heal….

By attaining these degrees I will be better able to handle my conditions and assist others with theirs.  If you were to ask me which one offers the greatest reward, hands down it would be to end the chronic pain and suffering many endure.  You just can’t beat the feeling of helping someone else heal & in return you heal yourself.

I Found My Heaven

I realized when I began journalling about my recent holiday that i wanted to relish these moments.  I was delaying the process so I could remain in that state of complete relaxation & unconditional love.  Something within me connected with the people, the culture, their beliefs that made me feel safe and secure.  The love is abundant among the people and within me.  Spiritually I became aware of things on a much deeper level.  I now find myself feeling irritable because the real world has almost taken over again, I am not liking that one bit!

I am feeling very blessed because Jamaica has given me the courage to do things again, to take risks, to be a free spirit and in a way, I always was.

i took out my braids on Wednesday and cried …. I did not cry when we left or a few days after, no I cried because it was my last little piece of Jamaica, that I was clinging to.

I have been to heaven, my sanctuary and I will go again.